Early the next day, Leapekin thought over the possibilities as he ate his tiny breakfast comprising of a hard biscuit and a thin slice of cheese. The more he thought about his plan, the more he liked what he was thinking. In fact, he became quite pleased with himself, and was even uncharacteristically cheerful when he finally left his home to try out his new scheme.Once he'd made his way to the settlement of the bigfolks, he simply walked around as inconspicuously as he could while keeping his ears open for an opportunity to present itself. He looked curiously around at the small mud covered cloth and stick huts of the inhabitants and wondered. Like others of his race, he could never understand why the bigfolks insisted on living above ground where they were vulnerable to predators and bad weather.Leapekin had been walking about for nearly an hour before he came upon his first opportunity. Two peasants were discussing the pending sale of a cow later that afternoon, and the dwarf knew. Well, my showerhead cunny gave a squirt of delight at the thought of feasting on all that scummy man-flesh, so I took a deep breath, because let's be honest Rotten Johnny was the steamiest steamy steampunk ever and dived right in. 'God Save The Queen' and 'Anarchy In The UK'!!!! The taste was indescribable. As if someone had taken all the really awful 'Jelly Belly' jelly bean flavours, like 'Green Tea' and 'Puppy Sick' and 'Buttered Popcorn' and 'Hamster Droppings' and 'Liquorice' and 'Squid Ink', and mixed them all together into one of those superfood smoothies that pretentious beardy wankers and their insufferably smug significant others sup whilst clutching their Fjallraven backpacks as they wander up and down Brick Lane looking for Rough Trade East. And, having concocted the equivalent of tastebud napalm, they'd then marinated Rotten Johnny's muscle of pleasure-giving in it until it has absorbed every last droplet of awfulness. Now I'm a perky, pokie, sodden-cunted, teen-angel of.
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